Oh, what have I done?

It’s official, I am moving out of the great state of California and back to Oregon. Ugh, it’s even just horrible for me to admit I am moving. I absolutely love it down in her Southern California, there is an abundance of things to do and nothing can beat the weather. Although, I must admit, the damn heat waves are getting to me. Go AWAY 80+ degree weather! I want my chill mid – low 70 degree weather! That’s my kind of fall! But no, I am packing everything up and moving to Southern Oregon: home of rain, sleet, snow, ice, clouds, fog, NO SUNSHINE for a solid 6+ months, next major city (with things to do!) is 5hrs away. Ugh, I am moving to Oregon.

Granted, this was my decision. I chose to pack everything up and move out of my beach studio, literally half a block from the ocean. I am making this decision, but it doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it. I am weighing my options and the only way I can get to where I am going, is if I move back in with my mom and work for my dad’s company and save as much money as I can to get the fuck out of there! I am trying, TRYING, to find the positive and channel good thoughts in knowing I make making the right move for what I want to get out of life, but DAMN! It’s one of the hardest challenges I have done to date, and I have lost 70+ pounds!

Let me preface that my hometown has never been a place I have ever wanted to return to, even when I am visiting. I keep my visits home short and sweet. Ever since I was 10 I have wanted to move out and never look back. And I will say, I have done a fine job of that for the last 4 years living down here in SoCal. And before you shoot off and say “oh you couldn’t make it in California, not many people can” in that smug way some people do, I CAN make it, I DID make it. I am very good at what I do and honestly, so many people are trying to help me stay down here so they don’t lose me. However, I want more out of life, I want to experience more, and frankly, I am done with California. I know this isn’t the place I want to spend the rest of my life. Hell, I don’t even know where that place is! But I know it sure as hell is not Oregon, either. I want to get out, explore, discover something new, and then settle down on a place and have that dreaded “career” that society tells us people in their 20s are supposed to strive for.

I find that overrated. The world is a HUGE place, with a lot of new people to meet, places to see, and cultures to immerse myself with. Is this a strong career path, probably not. Is it what I feel I need to be doing right now? Ab-so-fucking-lutely. I am not a creature that likes to stay in one place, I am also not the type of person to settle on a 9-5 job that covers the bills and then only allows myself a (if lucky!) two weeks vacation.

I want to live life, not just survive it.

So, off I go, back home to where all my unpleasant childhood memories live, and where I dreamed of getting out. Now I am electively moving back. There will be some things I am looking forward to seeing and doing again, but I can count them on one hand. There are a million things I will be missing from SoCal. I have this last month so I better make the most of it!

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