One of the hardest things an adult can do is make new friends in a new (or familiar) city.
It requires oneself to branch out and be vulnerable. And speaking for myself, that is intimidating and uncomfortable to do. But if we’ve learned anything from this blog and comfort zones is that the greatest personal growth comes from outside our comfort zones.
Honestly, I feel as if making new friends is worse than dating, at least then you knew it was just not a right fit on a chemistry/attraction level. Making new friends as an adult, if you’re rejected, it feels way more personal. They have basically said that your cup of unique is not their cup of unique…
That alone can cause anyone to not want to put themselves out there, but being alone isn’t the most comforting feeling either.
Its a delicate situation.
I will say, I do love my own company. There has been a lot of personal development work that goes into arriving at a level where you are comfortable being alone. But being able to call up a friend to do things with is just as enjoyable. I have the unfortunate luck where all my best friends live in different states.
LA is a city full of transplants. That’s a great thing but you can also run the risk of people moving back home again.
Enough about me, lets get back to the advice and truth about making friends as an adult.
Making friends can be a full time job. One that I haven’t had the luxury of doing the past three years traveling so much.
Thanks to modern technology though, making friends as an adult is a bit easier. Currently, I’m using Bumble BFF. I’ve had some success in the past but then traveling and not putting in the effort to keep in touch led me right back to square one.
I still think dating is a bit easier, haha.
Every once in a while, I do meet people mutually through work or acquaintances. You do the usual “let’s hang out sometime!” and exchange numbers but then crickets…
My brain often forgets to message people or I respond in my head and forget to actually send the message. So that one’s on me.
Throughout my years, I’ve come to know that making, developing, and keeping friendships takes effort. Just because someone has been your friend forever, doesn’t mean they will stay that way.
The hardest part of making new friends is maintaining and developing the friendship.
So how can you make the most of your time in finding & developing new meaningful friendships?
1. Treat it like a side hustle.
It takes a lot of time and effort making new friends. If you’re using an app like Bumble BFF you can at least do it from the comfort of your couch during your down time.
2. Bring something to the conversation.
Go above and beyond with conversation topics. Don’t just fall for the usual “how’s your day” thing. Especially when the other person has put in the time in their profile, ask engaging questions. On that note…
3. Take the time to put together a profile that invites conversation.
It might be hard to put yourself into boxes or personality qualifiers so I suggest you ask a friend with this bit. Personally, this is what I struggle with the most because I have built my whole personality around not fitting into a box re: my personality, haha.
4. Be prepared for a let down when making friends.
You’ll get your hopes up, how could you not? But there will be some disappointments. Keep a level head on your shoulders. There will be some people you meet and think “this is IT” and then life throws a curve ball and you strike out. That’s just the nature of life. But those friends are out there if you keep going (reminder to myself).
5. Don’t compare these potential new friendships with your old ones or your long distance BFFs.
Nothing good comes from comparing one relationship to another. We know that rule when it comes to dating, so it should also be applied to making new friends as an adult. Focus on each new potential friendship as its own thing. Sure, have boundaries and know yourself well enough to feel out if its a right fit but don’t compare. Your long distance BFF is someone you’ve most likely known for years. But I would venture to think it started out as an in-person friendship, yeah? You won’t ever get to the level you have with your long distance BFF (or any other BFF) with this potential new friendship right away. It will take time. Allow yourself to be open to taking the time to develop and maintain a new friendship.
I’ll repeat myself here once again, making friends & maintaining friendships takes a lot of conscious effort.
The messages back-and-forth, getting to know the other person, & repeating the process over and over again. It can be slow building into something great, it might be a fast instant connection, or it can fizzle out before anything really gets going.
Essentially you are dating…little friend dates. It’s all a numbers game. Connecting with people, finding similarities, it takes time.
My best advice is to put yourself out there as much as you feel comfortable doing.
If you’re at a coffee shop, eating lunch solo, or at the park/beach with kids (or not), a simple compliment can open up the gates to a real connection.
Or like I mentioned, use apps! Bumble BFF is a popular one, I’ve heard of the app Peanut which specifically helps to bring moms together to make other mom friends.
There might be more of a learning curve and it will take more time in some cases, but it IS possible to make friends as an adult.
If you know of any other apps or have any messages of encouragement for how to make new friends, leave a comment below!
Like always,
Sending love & support your way <3
*featured image by Yanapi Senaud on Unsplash
